Monday, February 1, 2016

Coming out poly

by Patrick Kelly

My husband is okay with me marrying my boyfriend.

What? you say. Don't worry, I'm not breaking any laws. All 3 of us are well aware that polygamy (marrying more than one spouse) is illegal in the US. As far as biblical laws, well, none of us are Christian so there's that. As you may know I'm Buddhist Pagan Unitarian Universalist and my men have no particular religious affiliation. My political affiliation is Libertarian. I'm all about personal freedom and choice as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else's freedom and choice.

I identify as polyamorous (literally: many loves). The opposite is monogamous. If you are content with having an intimate relationship with one person at a time- gender irrelevant - then you are monogamous. If, like me, you desire you have a relationship with several people at one time with their consent then you are polyamorous.

So yeah, although the union between boyfriend and I will not be recognized by the government, it will be recognized by us and anyone else who matters.

And now I will take questions:

How does it work?
Well, for me, my husband knew I was polyamorous when we met. He still married me knowing that this would not change. The most important rule was honesty. If I was going on a date, I told him. Unfortunately, my dates didn't quite know what poly was even though it was spelled out in my dating profile. Once I told them that my husband was well aware that I was on a date, they lost interest.

And your boyfriend?
He knows how to read and he understood my profile. Win win.

How's the sex?
How's the sex in your relationship? Just because I'm not in a traditional relationship that doesn't mean I want to talk about sexual specifics. But since you asked, none of us are complaining.

Isn't polyamory the same as swinging?
No, although there can be some overlap. Swinging implies more of a sex-only relationship between 2 or more couples. Polyamory is more of an emotional relationship between several people which can include sex.

Why have a ceremony when it's not legal?
Because my boyfriend is important to me and because why not?

You sinner! You will burn in Hell!
I don't believe in hell so....

Do you have any questions for me? I'm not an expert and I will try to point you to other resources if I don't know the answer.


  1. I had no idea you were poly. Congrats on coming out! :-)

    1. Thanks! I did a "soft" coming out on the other social media network. There's not an official poly coming out day that I'm aware of! And sorry for the delay in approving your message. For some reason it didn't show up where it usually does.