Sunday, November 13, 2011

Pagan Prompt - Your Beginning

I'm neglecting my blog. I feel so bad. The Pagan Prompt theme from 11/10/11 is "Your Beginning". I'm sure I've answered this before but here it is again.

How did you come to be where you are today?

Did you always know you were Pagan/Wiccan/etc?

How did you get started on this journey?

I was raised as a Christian, Jehovah's Witness to be exact. Yes, JW is a Christian religion. I never celebrated holidays of any kind and preaching the Word door-to-door was mandatory as was attending 3 meetings a week at the Kingdom Hall. Sometime in spring 1992, I was officially baptized as a JW. Why? Because it was the "right" thing to do. My mom was very strict so it was either her (JW) way or the highway. I really tried to be a good JW but the restrictions got to be too much. I was still living at home and couldn't have a boyfriend although I was over 18. Where there's a will, there's a way; I got pregnant with my 2nd child out of wedlock in 1995 and was - to use the JW term - disfellowshipped.

I moved into my own place in Aug 1995. Plans to wed my son's father deteriorated; he too was a df'ed JW. From that point to about 2 yrs ago, I was trying to go back to my childhood religion. After all, I no longer had any friends or family since the religion forbids contact with df'ed members. Yeah, so that didn't work.
About 2 yrs ago (I need to find the exact date for my personal records) a coworker invited me to a Buddhist meeting. Remember that since I was raised JW, I really had no knowledge of any other religion. I was apprehensive at first but what did I have to lose? My own mother rarely speaks to me. so I went and afterwards did some research on my own. It made sense to me. I must also point out that (most) Buddhist do not recruit. My coworker told me that something I said made her think that I would be interested in the meeting. We can't remember what that was but I do know I was feeling like the spiritual part of my life was missing.

Anyhoo, I started chanted and I realized that I was feeling better emotionally. I called my brother and formally forgave a 10 yr old debt. I called my sister and told her I was studying Buddhism. Her response? OMG, you might as well study Wicca!!! So thank you sis, I told your advice. I actually studied a few major religions because I no longer believed that JW was the end-all, be-all.

Wicca/Witchcraft for Dummies was the first book I read about Paganism. O-M-Goddess! Talk about epiphany! I was like, this is me. Ok, maybe not Wicca proper but Paganism definitely made sense to me. I felt comfortable. I felt like I had come home. I started researching different forms of paganism. I realized that although I like some of what Wicca is about, I'm not Wiccan. I like that the Feminine is equal to or even greater than the Masculine. In Christianity, "the head of the wife is the husband".

I was always fascinated by the moon, planets, and the seasonal changes. I never understood why the beginning of summer meant that the days would be growing shorter. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronomer. I think that I may have always been pagan but never knew that it was a name for it.

I consider myself a solitary Buddhist Pagan. The Buddhism speaks to my rational side while Paganism speaks to my creative side. If I were one or the other, something would be missing. I've tossed around the idea of starting my own teaching coven but not sure where to start.

I rededicated myself to the Goddess on 6/1/11 as Her priestess, a new moon. I say rededicated because all Gods and Goddesses are one. My Christian dedication and baptism is not nullified; it served what it needed to for that phase of my life. I remember my mom talking about how serving Jehovah gave her so much joy. I never felt that joy and I felt guilty. I really really tried. Honoring the Goddess has brought me that joy. The Goddess is within and without. One who honors the Goddess, honors herself.

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